The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm getting married
To pizza
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
