I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
