Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
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