I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize