Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Randomize
