I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
you inspire me to be a worse person
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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