I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Randomize
