Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
