Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize
