so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
