just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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