There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Randomize
