I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
