If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
i think i just naturally attract stoners
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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