when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize