Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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