she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
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