some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
