I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did I show you my penis last night?
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize