Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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