I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Randomize
