So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
