if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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