Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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