yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
