He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
