The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
