Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
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