I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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