My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I think people are normalizing furries
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
