We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
