I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I came so hard my ears popped.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
