im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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