i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
