she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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