I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
