Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
