she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
