There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Randomize
