so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
