I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
