Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize