I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
