oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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