I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
