apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I am spending my child support on dildos
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
