Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
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