What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
