She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
