I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
