sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
