Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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