You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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