I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
