Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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