Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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