I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
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When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
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I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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