he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize