I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize