Swine flu. Run for my life!
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
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