1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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