Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Randomize
